Sweet, Sweet Fantasy

It was a nice fall day in September of 2014. All was calm in the HR suite until an incident report was received that left us in a state of astonishment. In a remote location, far far away (and by far far away I mean about 10 miles) not owned by our company, there was trouble in paradise between ex-friends, Aneese and Todd. The two had an close relationship, as they were two of three co-workers in an extremely small workspace, for many many years. They had a personal relationship; they socialized outside of work, and attended each other’s personal affairs.

For unknown reasons, there was a falling out, which is when the dirty laundry began exposing itself. Eventually, Todd called his manager (who was different than Aneese’s) to report that Aneese was embarrassing him in the office by being inappropriate and sexually suggestive. The specific example he reported was that on his birthday, Aneese slapped Todd’s ass and grabbed her tits, pushed them together and told Todd he could, "blow out the birthday candles." Todd expressed that he was humiliated by the situation, as it was in front of co-workers, a volunteer and in a patient-facing setting, and therefore asked to be moved into a safer space away from Aneese.

However, their newest co-worker, Melody, who was only there for a few months, was mortified by something else, something even worse, and therefore filed a separate complaint. As per Melody, Todd allowed one of his long-term patients to move in with him. Although he denied having a sexual relationship with him, he admitted to fantasizing about him while he jerked off. The patient apparently slept on Todd’s couch, while Todd thought about fucking him in the bedroom of his apartment, which was only a few feet away, while beating his meat. To further complicate the situation, the patient, only twenty four with a serious mental health condition, wanted out of whatever relationship he was having with Todd, seventy two. Furthermore, Todd allowed the patient to become a volunteer in the office, and was the volunteer Todd was humiliated in front of. So we have Todd working with, living with, and lusting for this patient.

Yes, you read that right. As a gentle reminder, this workplace wasn't a cathouse, brothel or strip club, it was an office - in a hospital, with patients who had serious mental health conditions! And I was exposed to this incident less than a year into my tenure after “No Employee Relations Town,” from "Prozac Attack Realty."

An investigation was initiated, which was actually quite simple. All three employees corroborated all of the allegations made against Aneese and Todd, and that the workplace was indeed sexually charged. During the investigation, all three employees evidentially discussed the graphic details of their dick appointments throughout the course of the day, and apparently were overheard by others in the hospital. You literally can't make this shit up.

So the decision of what to do next needed to occur. We setup a debrief with the investigator, the directors, and the head of operations. Although it was uncomfortable discussing what the investigation founded, the decision of what to do with Todd was not. He was immediately terminated for the dual relationship he enter into with the patient, and his contributions to the hostile work environment.

What to do with Aneese was a little harder. She was a fairly good employee, but she had some obvious behavioral issues. Sis, put those “candles” away; it’s obvious all three of you like “firecrackers” anyway. We would have liked to give her some sort of warning BUT we realized that she knew about Todd’s live-in spank-bank and didn't report it, so she was terminated for failure to report a serious conflict of interest. And as for Melody, she was lucky. She should have gotten a warning of some sort for discussing her sexcapades openly, but she got a hall pass because she reported it and we didn't want to retaliate against her for coming forward with such a major concern.

So that's the story of Aneese, Todd & Melody. Go take a long cold shower after that one!